Have you ever met a man or woman whose number one goal is to make you love them?
Some of you may remember a popular 80’s sitcom called “Family Matters”. Steve Urkel, a young, clingy, attention – starved neighbor of the Winslow family, had a serious love Jones for Carl and Harriet Winslow’s daughter, Laura. Every day, Steve would come to their house and try to get Laura to be his girl. The problem with these attempts is Laura showed absolutely no personal interest in Steve. To her he was a nerdy, awkward nuisance. When Laura would give Steve any kind of attention, negative or positive, Steve would wait until he was alone and say out loud, “I’m wearing you down baby!” It was hilarious!
Sadly, this is a scenario that happens in real life and unfortunately, it can be mentally and emotionally draining. Maybe you know someone that has Steve Urkel Syndrome. Maybe you have it and don’t know it. If you don’t know the signs and symptoms of this illness and think you or someone you know may have it; here are some things to look for.
1) Excessive, unannounced visitations to a future husband or wife’s (wishful thinking) home, job, or events
2) Calling, texting, emailing the love of your life morning, noon, and night ( and all times in between)
3) Uncontrollable crying or laughing over a loved one’s sarcasm or rejection
4) Spending money you don’t have for gifts a loved one didn’t ask for (but will take)
5) Acting interested in things that are of no interest at all
6) Asking a loved one questions and answering them before they do
7) Calling a loved one’s mother, father, or siblings for emotional support
8) Giving up hope and planning a date with a loved one at the same time
These are a just a few classic symptoms of Steve Urkel Syndrome. If you or someone you know are experiencing three or more of the listed symptoms, and you don’t know where to go for help; CALL YOUR CHOSEN LOVER IMMEDIATELY! (Trust me, they will tell you where to go!)
The Steve Urkel Syndrome
On a more serious level, there are people who force themselves and their delicate, emotional state of mind on others. It’s not unheard of for love starved individuals to crave acceptance and support from people they know and trust. But, there are times when you or someone you know crosses the lines of comfort ability, and that’s when a reality check is necessary.
I speak from experience. I have been on the receiving end of a man who claimed he “loved” me, and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. This would’ve been music to my ears if the feeling had been mutual! Don’t get me wrong. There were times the two of us talked for hours and had a few nights out on the town. That was the beauty of having a male buddy to hang out with. Ok! I admit I was never physically attracted to this man. It was somewhat of an accident that we met in the first place. After hearing my routine announcement; “I don’t want to be in a committed relationship right now” my love sick friend became more persistent. Speaking of “friend”, nobody wants to be put in the friend zone! Initially, I blamed myself for spending even five minutes with this man. But, one day it dawned on me! I hadn’t agreed to meet him anywhere. He was already where I was. I didn’t have the luxury of lying to him about where I was going to be (or not be) Where ever I was, there he was. Lingering. Cheesing. Ready for me! I couldn’t tip toe into a place without him seeing me. I couldn’t whisper low enough. He would hear me. I couldn’t clock out of work quick enough. He would find me. I finally stopped and screamed to him, “Enough!” Needless to say, that didn’t work. He backed off for a week or two, and then it was back to Fantasy Island.
Is this behavior called “stalking”? Perhaps, but what’s worse than stalking is allowing someone to force themselves on you. The singing group Destiny’s Child came out with the hit song “Bug-a-boo.” I kept that song on repeat mode years ago. I couldn’t get enough of it! I had no sympathy for the children of destiny until I met my own Bug-a-Boo.
Unfortunately, it’s not enough to take the straight forward approach with someone who has already decided you’re “the one.” You can do your best to try to turn off a wounded soldier, but nothing short of serious injuries to them would work. There’s no guarantee bodily harm will either.
I wish I had an easy fix for the Steve Urkel types or the people who ride the emotional roller coasters with them. I have to stress the importance of self-love and respect. It’s much easier for you to treat people good if you treat yourself good. High self esteem should be taught at home when we’re young; but that’s not always realistic to expect. There is hope!